Alameda's Beautiful! Wish You Were Here!

It's the first Sunday of the month kids, so Helen, Joni and I woke up at the crack of, oh, I guess it was really already 8:30...anyway...we hit the flea market bright and somewhat early. Actually, it wasn't bright at all, but foggy and misty. So we get there and are in dire need of coffee. Bad. I have to say it's the longest line for coffee EVER. Tip: bring your own. Okay...moving on, we seemed to be on a quest for non-Caucasian churros, because apparently, Caucasian churros suck. I think we settled for old lady churros. They were hungry. So, we started at the back as we are often apt to do...drama ensued almost immediately. Two elderly sort of beat up looking fellas were having a bit of a scuffle. It actually looked like a pathetic little tug of war, with one man desperately clinging to the perp's Members Only jacket as said perp tried to pry himself loose. He managed to allude his captor, only for the attempted capturer to shout "Stop him! He was stealing! And...he BIT me!" Say it ain't so - he tried to steal AND induce rabies!? Yikes. So...we kind of scurried away from that crazy action and finally, whew, got down to the business at hand. The humongeous flea market rolled out before us like a giant red carpet. At least that's what it felt like to me. Treasure...golden, shiny treasures everywhere. And now I'm going to show you some of what we found. But don't worry...it's not what we bought. Get ready...this is good crapity-crap.

This is the portion of the tour I'll call 'Morbid Curiosity in Alameda'...First we've got what I have deemed 'Princess Botox'. Something to keep on your vanity and aspire to, I think. Next we have here are some broken china doll cadavers, everyone needs those. Here we have some lovely amputated limbs ("I'm a famous drummer and I've lost my arm!!" Please refer to VH-1's Metallica Behind the Music for explanation of quote.)...a very sad, sad girl (Girl, why are you so sad? Allergic to cats, maybe?), and lastly, these cheerful Day of the Dead sculptures. My favorite being the wee little autopsy table. So clever. And educational, too.







Moving on. Now here we have some of what I like to call 'must have' items...you've got yer really fantastic painting of Kris Kristofferson (bet that's some art Streisand would like in her collection, eh?). He's a little hard to see behind the pink jacket, but people - what a jacket! Let's see, what's next? A most becoming deer in headlights tapestry and the boots from the dudes who like to hunt for stuff like this. Special. In that vain, we've got a real find - The Nancy and Ronny Paper Doll Kit. Now, wouldn't you just love to do some gender swapping here and have a really good time? And, finally, the biggest, most red lamp ever. Period. Guess we'll call this section 'Stuff for People in the Red States'.

































Next! I think this section may be the most helpful. Some stuff you might actually be looking for. Or not. But this is a pretty great living room set. I can see it working in your place - seriously. Great color - what is that called chartreuse? Next up...I suggested to the girls we start a chick band with these tambourines. Joni and Helen just gave me that look. Like the one they gave me when I suggested the fez, mumu wearing party. Why not? Everything needs an occasion. And here's some cool old specs - they'd go nicely with the fez. And then, perhaps some colorful petticoats! They really hide figure flaws, you know.


































Okay, so I saved the best for last. CLOWNY!!! For those of you without clown issues, this was a real bargain - $950 big ones (FIRM). Unfortunately, we had to pass. One, Joni has a real big clown phobia, and two, even if we did want to torture her, it wouldn't fit in her Audi station wagon. Until next time...you know we'll be back.